Monthly Archives: July 2006

WISE update

Today a lovely parcel arrived from MaddieC with a most wonderful book in it!!! Behind the Chalet School – A Biography of Elinor M. Brent-Dyer. Perfect!! It was accompanied by a geuine Wibsite postcard (Maddie assures me that she doesn’t ACTUALLY live at the wibsite) and a postcard with pictures of London things on it (Maddie also assures me that she doesn’t ACTUALLY live in London. Would anyone like to suggest where she DOES live having exhausted those two options?) A picture will follow… after my pandemic of panic poster has been properly paid attention to.

In other news I sent my WISE parcel today too. Just scraped in before the deadline.

The bunker of yay has many rooms

Well after my last post, some of you might be concerned that I am not going to be ready for the End Of The World As We Know It. Fear not, I will not be drowining in a sea of washing machine lint and sterile M&Ms. I will be in the bunker to end all bunkers. And today I have decided to unveil some of the details of where I’ll be hiding out.

1. The bunker is in a shoe shop. How many people do you know who have died of the bird flu while in a shoe shop huh? Yeah! None!!

2. The shoe shop is underground. A long way underground. When the epidemic arrives, it will be a Rapture-like situation. Except those are Left Behind will not be the sinners and unprepared folk. We will be a holy and blessed flock who have made vast and seemingly insane amounts of preparation for a situation that seems fairly unlikely to occur. A bit like Noah really. And see what happened to him?! So anyway, it’s far enough underground to withstand the force of impact of 723 jumbo jets simultaneously crash landing on a space the size of a contact lense. I am working on plans to reinforce the ceilings that should a 724th plan also happen to land on that contact lense, we will have sufficient time to evacuate to my back up bunker.

3. There is a state of the art defence system including lasers, big guns, explosions, fireworks (for the kids, you know), tanks, armoured vehicles, battle ships, sirens, bows and arrows and our secret weapon – an arsenal of small stones.

4. We have plenty of water. The world water crisis is nothing to do with overconsumption or all the water evaporating up to the sun or whatever. It’s because bit by bit, people like me have been saving it!! Every time I brush my teeth, I let the tap run for twice as long as necessary. Then I catch the half I don’t need and add it to my water storage containers. If water is on special I stock up extra!! Hint: always carry some sort of water storage with you so that wherever you go you can gather bits and pieces – at a friend’s place, in restaurants (they’re suckers for free water!!), at public water fountains… the only limit is your imagination! Beautiful!

5. Petrol. See point 4. Hint: try not to get arrested. When the flu arrives, the jails will be locked down and the criminals will all be forced to eat each other. Or they will be released into the countryside to rape, pillage and plunder whatever gets in their way. Unless the feral dog colonies eat them first.

6. Bananas. See point 4. I have also devised a method of preserving bananas which retains their original taste and texture. It involves soaking them in petrol, rinsing in water and storing in a solution of powdered milk and vinegar. You would never know they weren’t fresh from Queensland!!

7. I am currently pondering the requirements of toilet paper. The bunker is built to house 144,000 people for 7 years. However if these people use on average half a roll of toilet paper each week, we would require 28 million rolls of toilet paper. I would increase that to 40 million rolls as toilet paper is extremely versatile and you can never have too much. BUT this much toilet paper would mean that there was only room for 12 people to live in the bunker. At least until those 12 people had used 20 million rolls of paper. Which would take about 65 thousand years. By which time hopefully the flu would be gone and perhaps there would be no need to let the other 143, 988 people in. So at the moment I am considering both surgical and nutritional alternatives to the problem and will keep everyone posted. There are currently 9 rolls just in case.

8. The bunker contains a state of the art communications hub. A friend of mine’s year 8 science class designed it. It will allow us to communicate with other civilisations in our universe and possibly other universes. I imagine that aliens will be friendly once they know that most of humanity has perished and only a chosen few remain. It is quite likely that they will possess some sort of substance that will eradicate any residual flu virus once the Unprepared have become extinct so that we can recolonise the Earth. I see no reason for an Earth based communications network (tv, radio, internet, telephone) as there will be no-one to broadcast or maintain these systems. Our only hope is to look beyond our planet. We will first consult the fourth planet from the sun. And work our way out from there.

9. Most of the employment opportunities in the bunker will be related to the powdered butter industry. I have been researching this miraculous product and am certain that it is THE answer to sustaining a large population for an extended period of time. Powdered butter can be used as a source of nutrition, a means of supplying power, a building material, a lubricant, a medication, for cosmetic purposes and much much more. In the bunker we will be doing extensive trials into future uses for this powdered gold and also on more efficient means of producing it. Extraction from powdered cows is time consuming and costly and I envisage that it could be synthesised quite easily.

10. At the moment there are somewhere between 10 and 143,998 places available in the bunker depending on the outcome of the toilet paper problem (I have reserved you a place as requested Dee). Applications for positions are open as of now. Please outline your reasons for wishing to reside in the bunker, provide evidence that you have been preparing for The End Of The World As We Know It and give information on what skills you can bring to the bunker. If there are any particular roles that you can see yourself fulfilling (whether mentioned in this dossier or not), by all means include that on your application. References are not mandatory but may work in your favour.

Are you ready?

I have a uni group work assignment due on Friday. It’s a poster and the broad topic is “Pandemics”. My group has chosen to do ours on a Pandemic of Fear. Due to the exam on Friday, we only really started to think about the poster today. But anyway, last night I did a bit of reading on some Avian Flu Survival forums and learnt some interesting things. It made the one box of family Tamiflu seem rather paltry. We only have it because I went to Vietnam and there actually have been cases of bird flu there. Now it’s also been to Germany, Canada, USA and Switzerland.

1. Some people are extremely prepared for a bird flu epidemic to hit some time soon and to nearly obliterate the human race. I say nearly, because these people are prepared for 3 years of hiding in their homes.

2. Fear makes people spent lots of money on interesting things

3. Washing machine lint can be saved for use as fire starters.

4. As a result of the bird flu, people will be forced to let their dogs run away because they won’t be able to feed them as resources will be limited. The dogs will form roaming gangs that will destroy anything in their path. You may need to dig tunnels from your house to the garage so that you don’t get eaten.

5. Everyone should have a gun. Or two. Or more!! One for each entry to the house, one for the car, one to go in your handbag.

6. Someone has worked out how to preserve M&Ms so that they’ll last at least 8 years. I can’t see how you could buy enough M&Ms that they’d still be around in 8 years…

7. You can remove skunk odors by wiping down the animal with a 50-50 solution of white distilled vinegar and water, followed by a plain-water rinse. I’m not sure if this is the skunk that you wipe down…

8. Be careful not to store too much of your preparations in the attic as this can cause the ceiling to fall in.

9. There is no such thing as too much toilet paper. But if you do run out, the yellow pages are a good back up plan. Especially as the phone lines will not be working.

10. There are many many uses for instant noodles that I never considered possible.

Wiblog entry for 28/07/2006

Well the exam is over and was a bit of a farce really. The first section was peer and self marked and had a stupid marking criteria thingy which meant that plenty of perfectly good answers had to get a “not satisfactory”. The second part was multiple choice and all but about 6 of the questions (61 in total) were recycled from previous papers. So everyone finished in 20 minutes instead of the 1.5 hours allocated. Not to worry. It’s all over now.

My computer is now saying it’s 4:44am. But that’s probably because I didn’t reset the time properly. Ah well. Maybe I’ll do that later.

very strange

Last night my computer had the right time displayed. I just noticed that now (3:40pm) it tells me that it’s 12:54am. It has the right day… but it’s quite mysterious. How could it have lost so many hours in so few hours?

I’m thinking of going to buy a new lightbulb for my room. It’s a halogen one that fits into a normal light fitting and it’s a lot brighter than a normal one. I like bright…

a first

So I have an exam on Friday. Which I am not too concerned about. But guess what? My notes are all in order! This has never happened a week before an exam before. And it means that I can actually STUDY them!! Usually I am writing out my notes neatly until the day of the exam and don’t get a chance to actually go over them and read about stuff that doesn’t make sense. How exciting!!

the things I do in the interest of science… or not

It has been requested that I spray nasal spray in my ear and tell everyone if the effects are felt in my nose like they are in my ear when I spray it in my nose. I was going to do this however ears don’t like cold stuff being sprayed in them. AND the ear drum (or tympanic membrane for those who like to use such terms) stops stuff getting from the outer ear into the middle and inner ear (and hence to the nose).

This afternoon I have had a bit of rage about lecturers who a) assume that everyone has their handouts before the lecture (which they only emailed to the tech people the night before) b) cover topics WAY too fast for people who don’t print out powerpoint slides beforehand and c) go on to insert lots of “new” slides which are never updated in the copies that we have and hence even if the handouts were printed out beforehand it would make no difference and d) refuse to allow their lecture to be recorded thus making it very hard to make complete and sensible notes. Well actually there’s only one lecturer who does this (so far) but that’s enough.

a mental health morning

Last night I decided that it would be in the best interests of myself and the rest of the world if I took the morning off uni today. The beauty of this plan is that I only miss one lecture because all I have on is a single lecture and a 3 hour break. And a text from a uni person has just told me that I didn’t miss much in the lecture. I only slept in til 8:20 but it was still much needed.

Hospital day yesterday was quite uneventful. We learnt about oxygen administration masks and when oxygen is needed and how much and precautions in therapy and stuff. Quite interesting. Then a tutorial on… hmmm peripheral signs of respiratory disease. During the three hour break I did a bit of reading and discovered that stethoscopes are good sound cancelling devices, depending on where you put the diaphragm. I had mine on my textbook. Which was on a table. If the loud mouthed person who never shuts up had been touching the table this would have been bad but he wasn’t. So all was well with the world.

And this weekend I don’t have to work!! Huzzah!! My pay slips lately have been quite exciting but it comes at a cost.

funny really

I think it’s quite amusing when you spray nasal spray up your nose and feel the effects in your ear straight away.

Last night I watched the first episode of Anatomy for Beginners and found it very interesting. In our anatomy labs we have prosections, which are cadavers that have been pre-dissected and preserved. They are quite useful but what we can “do” to them is limited. We can stick our fingers under muscles and dig around for nerves and stuff like that but it’s more an interactive display than a voyage of discovery. On the show last night, the cadaver was fresh – it hadn’t been preserved at all (as far as I could tell) and it was so… soft! The brain was like jelly! Well actually the crazy German anatomist compared it to blancmange (I think this was why I thought he was French… but I just looked it up and he’s German) and demonstrated the texture of the brain by throwing a bowl of blancmange on the floor. Amazing to think that the thing that tells our bodies what to do in almost every situation (excluding various reflex actions and the effect of gravity for example) is so fragile. Hurrah for skulls!!

Tomorrow is hospital day where we will be doing something about oxygen administration. I’m not sure where I will lurk for the rest of the day. I might try and find some friendly doctor to follow around. Surely there must be one somewhere!

mint m&ms and a massive memo

So I have a lot to do. I’ve fallen off the studious wagon for the last couple of weeks and my reasonable list of things that required doing in a reasonable amount of time has become a large amount of things in a rather small amount of time. Ah well. Just this morning we were lectured on adrenaline among other things. Maybe I will look upon this next couple of months as the practical component.

Today I had a discussion with my mother about why I don’t like using umbrellas when it rains. It’s because I don’t like them getting wet. So if it’s sprinkling and I am only getting a bit wet to a degree that I will dry quite quickly when I get inside, I don’t use my umbrella because I figure that I will dry a lot quicker than an umbrella in a plastic bag. I think it makes perfect sense. My mother thinks that not wanting an umbrella to get wet is illogical. But who wants to carry a wet umbrella around all day?