Tales of Variable Yayness

So I was sitting at a computer today, saving lives by documenting blood test results, when an immaculately dressed gentleman approached the desk and loudly addressed the assembled crowd (a ward clerk, a few nurses, some random passers-by and me):

“I have opened my bowels. You might like to write that in your book”

Why thank you. I might just do that. I’ll start a new chapter.

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So I pasted the post about “the average biscuit” into some website and this is what it says:

I write like
H. P. Lovecraft

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

I feel proud.

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Patient: the other doctor said that I can’t go home because I have a memory problem! I don’t have a memory problem! Why does he say that?
Yay: er well we did a memory test when you arrived here and there were a few problems identified…
Patient: I didn’t do a memory test! I don’t remember that!

It’s amusing when real life reflects cartoons.

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I often find it hard to remember the “proper doctor words” for describing things in my notes. If I can come up with a respectable/intelligible but not official term for something and no-one within earshot can come up with a better idea, I’m ok with that. Sometimes even if I know it, I will avoid using the technical term if it seems likely that most readers won’t understand what I’m saying.

And sometimes I just like to use technical words for simple things because it makes me giggle that I know that “eructation” means “burp”.

I was amused the other day to read that a patient suffered a skin tear “about the size of an average biscuit”.

The process of identifying the average biscuit makes my head hurt – obviously there is the size factor which is not so bad (but then volume makes it more complicated), and averaging shapes is not beyond the realms of possibility, but when we start thinking about the average flavour, average texture (are all textures on the one spectrum? I’m not sure that they are) and the average non-biscuit additions (icing, chocolate, jam) it becomes VERY MURKY.

I think the median biscuit would be a better measure.

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So I have a patient who won’t let any doctors examine him. He’s not keen on physios either. The physios have worked out that if the patient thinks they’re nurses, he’ll co-operate with them. I was sent in to attempt an examination yesterday. It went a bit like this…

Yay: Hi Mr Codswallop, how are you today?
Mr C: Not too bad. Have you come to clean the place up a bit? *glances at unmade bed and the small amount of rubbish on his table*
Yay: Yep that’s right. Now show me the rash on your back.
Mr C: Oh ok then *removes all necessary and some unnecessary clothing items*
Yay: And is there any pain when I push on your tummy?
Mr C: Nope, no pain. Do you want to look at my feet too?
Yay: Yep… and now I’ll listen to your lungs…. and heart….
Mr C: do whatever you need to do.

I was wondering what would happen if Mr C suddenly wondered why the cleaner needed to look at his rash and listen to his lungs, but luckily it didn’t come up in the conversation.

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A day like this is a day when you can be VERY HAPPY that it’s the day the dog walkers take the dog for her daily constitutional.

I’m fairly sure that Pooka and her buddies (2-3 labradors and a flat coated retriever who happens to look like a big version of Pooka) had a marvellous time in the council plunge pools. I got home probably about 3 hours after Pooka and she was still Rather Wet.

My annual leave finishes about now… back to work on Monday. I was a bit dejected at the prospect of a very long time without holidays but then I went to the dentist on Wednesday who said that I need to have my wisdom teeth out. That doesn’t sound like fun, but perhaps I will need a week of sick leave to recover… and perhaps I can organise it to coincide with my surgical term (the one where work starts at stupid o’clock in the morning… or finishes at stupid o’clock in the morning for that matter).

It’s not that I hate work. I just like being not at work too.

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This is a mystery item. Fairly sure it’s sugar-based.

My Green & Blacks microscopy is done for now – milk, white and Maya Gold have all been scoped. (if you click on the photo above you’ll get to my photostream eventually where white and Maya Gold can be viewed). I like how chocolate is all sparkly at 200x magnification. Very pretty. White chocolate is a bit more difficult to focus the microscope on.

The next phase of investigation will be into pens and their output. Maybe tomorrow…

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This is an image of the crustal region of a Woolworths cinnamon bun.

So I have been on annual leave for a week now. I had quite a long to-do list. It’s somewhat shorter than it was, but there are items I suspect will not be completed (sorry teeth, no dentist for now).

But in other news, I bought a digital microscope last week. Sadly I had to return it to the shop because when it said that it worked with Mac OSX 10.5 and up, it didn’t mean 10.6 (or, more likely, computers made since Apple switched from Power PC to Intel chips). I told this tale of woe to a friend, who happens to be a primary school teacher. She took me on a late night adventure to her school where we liberated a microscope (one of many there) for me to use while finding my own.

So there’s quite an obvious difference in the microscopic appearance of Cadbury Dairy Milk and Green & Blacks milk chocolate:

Now accepting requests for photos of small things. Or small parts of big things.

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So yesterday I bought Pooka a splendid new collar.

I was amused last night, therefore, to view the Cyanide & Happiness cartoon of the day.

I have been joined in the bathroom by Pooka on many occasions. She seems to know when the door hasn’t properly shut…

Today is my graduation. Woo. Hurrah. Now I can work as a doctor…

In other news, I have now finished my second intern rotation. Only because it was my relieving term and I had to take 4 weeks of holidays. Holidays start tomorrow. Today is an ADO (accumulated day off – we are rostered for 40 hours/week and paid for 38 hours so every month we accumulate a day off).

Still haven’t worked out my holiday plans. The most pressing one is major cleaning. It was really cold here a couple of nights ago and I thought I would make the air con heat up my room. This very nearly didn’t happen because the remote control was “on my desk”…. somewhere…

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